Lost Turd

Published September 4, 2013 by clanofthesleepingbear

After dinner tonight I took the kids outside.  We ate some ice cream, rode bikes, watered the plants, went for a walk around the block.  The usual stuff.  At the end of our walk, Miss V decides to play on the neighbor’s handicapped ramp, as she often does.  Up and down the ramp she runs, giggling the whole time, having what looks to be the time of her life.  She refuses to come off the ramp, forcing me to chase her until I can pick her up and carry her, often kicking and screaming, back to our house.  Such fun.

I catch her, and as I am carrying her I smell a dirty diaper.  Back to our house we go so I can change the diaper.  Once inside, I see that V has been playing with the adhesive tabs on her diaper and one side is so loose it is a wonder the whole diaper didn’t fall off.  I am very glad it didn’t fall off.  Cleaning up poop from carpets and such is not one of my favorite activities.  

I lay her down, open up the diaper, and there is nothing there.  Oh, I mean there are streaks on the diaper, and smears in her butt crack, but there is no poop.  How can there be no poop?  She clearly pooped.  Where did it go?  Did it fall out of the diaper? Where is it now?  I start looking around.  No poop here.  I walk outside, and look around the yard.  No poop.  

Did she lose it on the walk?  Can’t be, she was holding my hand the entire time.  Well, except for when she was playing on the neighbor’s handicapped ramp.  Did it fall out there?? I think about the scene.  It couldn’t be there, because I had to chase her up the entire ramp.  I would have seen it (or stepped in it) if it fell out there.  Where did it go????

Hours later and I still cannot find the turd.  Husband and I are tiptoeing around the house, turning on lights as we enter rooms, just in case.  At the time I considered retracing our steps around the neighborhood, but it was getting dark, and to be perfectly honest, I didn’t want to.  

If you live in my neighborhood and came across an errant turd on the sidewalk, it wasn’t us.  I blame the dog down the block.

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