Sunday I started a chocolate detox. A week without any form of cocoa goodness. I’ve never cared much for cigarettes and don’t do well with alcohol, but chocolate…..oh, sweet chocolate….she’s got me hooked.
I thought that just going clean, cold turkey, would be best. Cleanse the system, get that monkey off my back, random other addiction clichés…
Day one was difficult. I thought about it, talked about it, complained about it, occasionally screamed about it. I asked that no one get me chocolate for Valentine’s Day. I am master of myself, I bow to no man, woman, god, or plant. I am better than this, stronger than this. I WILL beat this. Chocolate will have no power over me.
Day two was worse. Was this week over yet? Stupid Valentine’s Day! Everywhere I look there are ads for chocolates. I got emails, sponsored Facebook posts, promoted twitter tweets, all about Valentine’s chocolates. I needed something from a store and of course there’s heart-shaped boxes of chocolate at every turn. It was hell. Pure hell.
At hour 47 things got very bleak. I looked around me and saw wrappers and dishes from a dozen different foods. I was gorging on anything I could find, in an attempt to satisfy my chocolate hunger, yet nothing was helping.
In the end, I caved. I came up with several justifications but no matter how you dress it up, the truth remains the same: I wanted to.
I tore into a box of double chocolate Joe-Joes like a bulimic in an after-school special on bulimia, only without the vomiting. Shoving cookies into my mouth, licking off the cream filling, chasing the whole thing with a glass of cold milk. It wasn’t pretty.
That was Monday night. Yesterday was Valentine’s Day, and per my request, I did not receive a single piece of chocolate. I thought I could pilfer some from V (babies don’t need that crap!) but she didn’t get any either. Hmmm, I sense a conspiracy….
Left with no other choice, I baked brownies, under the guise of making a special Valentine’s dessert for the girls. It’s a nice sentiment except I’ve eaten all but three myself.
It’s not all bad. I’ve read that dark chocolate is good for the heart, and Husband tells me that eating a small amount after a workout has health benefits. I’m not really sure what a small amount is but I’m thinking maybe half a pound? Plus, I used a banana in the brownies so in eating an entire batch, I’ve also eaten one whole banana.
Whatever. I accept no judgements. I am totally open to February 15 half-priced boxed chocolates, though. Preferably dark chocolate. You know, for heart health.